Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Super-Human Detritus of the Thirtieth Century: Review of Double-Header, by Johnathan

Bah. I had meant to do a somewhat meatier review tonight, but I'm tired and drinking beer and won't be good for much pretty soon, so it's Double-Header for you. Bah again. Later this week I'll tackle the somewhat weightier likes of Size Lad, Magnetic Kid and Blackout Boy, as I feel a strange compulsion to get as many Super-Human Detritus-related posts done as I can before the next issue of Action Comics comes out. I mean, what if Jungle King's there and I haven't spoken of him yet?

Anyway, Double-Header. One of those failed Legion applicants who I've been meaning to get around to for quite a while now. Thanks to the exceedingly thorough Jeff Rovin and his Encyclopedia of Super-Heroes I've both known of Double-Header and wondered why he/they ever bothered trying out for the LSH for much longer than I've known what he/they looked like. Here, take a look (ignore Spider Girl's crushed spirit and hot pants):


Note that not only does he/do they have tow grotesque heads but they kind of have two super-hero logos, too, if a couple of check marks count as a logo. That panel is really the clincher on Double-Header's claim to being the most throwaway Legion applicant of all time, really. I mean, usually a failed tryer-outer has one panel to declare how awesome they are ("I can shoot miniature suns from my nose!") before the one or two panels required to showcase the negative side to their powers or to demonstrate what a screwup they are ("I fuel my power with the hearts of Andorran Love-Puppies!", "Oops! I accidentally repeatedly kicked Sun Boy in the genitals!"). Double-Header lost the second he showed up. I mean, what does he really have to offer? "I can shout as loud as two guys, though I am one." That's all I can really think of, aside from "I can make you extra uncomfortable if I ask you out on a date."

The two extra panels really just add insult to injury:


Not only does Double-Header have two extra-ugly heads, but they hate each other. Jeez...

Whenever I find mention of Double-Header on the Internet there's some mention of how he's got two heads because he's very slowly splitting into two identical guys. I've never found any mention of this in the comics themselves, so I'm guessing that that little tidbit of information originated in a letters page or an interview or something, possibly as a result of his/their appearance in DC Comics Presents No. 59:


The separated head is a marked improvement, I must say, though:


It does manage to gross out the Ambush Bug.


The heads also seem to be getting along better in this appearance, which is nice. I hope that I can be pals with any heads that might sprout from me in the future. Further, I hope that the 'splitting in two' thing is kept up in any future appearances of the character and that he/they show up as basically two guys, joined at the extremities, so that they look like a couple of people holding hands while participating in a three-legged race.

In anticipation of this, Double-Header is JOHN APPROVED.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

I can see where this is going. Pretty soon it'll be all "You're goody two shoes Double Header, I'm bad Double Header" and before you know it armies of the undead will be attacking the legion's rocket ship headquarters.

Johnathan said...

Haw!

Now *that's* the sort of Army of Darkness crossover I'd shell out for!

Okay... I shelled out for AoD vs. Marvel Zombies, but Bruce Campbell versus the Legion of Substitute Undead? Wheee!

Good job, anonymous!